As much of a physical journey that yoga is, it is also an extremely emotional and mental journey during which you are constantly learning more and more about yourself. You are constantly peeling back layers upon layers of shit you are holding on to, like an onion… anyone into Shrek? Anyway, just when you think you’ve peeled them all and finally reach whatever it is you’re searching for, be it enlightenment, contentment, or a new butt, something else happens and you learn that in fact you are far, far from your goal. Reading books upon books on yoga, as well as other self help books on eating disorders and trauma I’ve come to learn that our minds are crazy making. When we keep everything in, our thoughts just stir and become a story that we cannot let go of, and that, in fact, we grow to enormous proportions so that this story becomes an obsessive thought that completely rules our day, week, year, or life.

At GSY we are working through Baron Baptiste’s “40 Days to Personal Revolution” which is corresponding really well with a different book I’m working through, as both of them discuss this idea of “breaking the silence.” By that I mean by actually vocalizing the thoughts that fester in our heads. All of the “I’m too fat, I’m not smart, I’m too slow, I’m lazy, I’m ugly, I’m going to fail, I’m afraid, I don’t have time…” I suggest vocalizing them to someone you trust to listen nonjudgmentally and compassionately. But, if you can’t, just saying it outloud to yourself over and over and over again until you realize that perhaps those things you tell yourself simply aren’t true, and are, instead, ridiculous.

I say this now because yesterday was a bad day. I woke up alright but wasn’t present on my mat and that sort of threw my entire day off. Different things happened and I wound up in my head. I texted a friend to let her know why my mood had plummeted and her response, I think, was that those texts should have no meaning… blah, blah, blah… which is a technique written in Baron’s book; he says that if breaking the silence doesn’t work to desensitize you from the thoughts to insert blah, blah, blah at the end of every sentence.

That all said, it’s not easy. Some things really do affect you at your core and really will take a long, long time to overcome. It’s not always as simple as following a thought with blah blah blah and then suddenly realizing how ridiculous it actually is. However, when we don’t even open our minds up to the possibility that we are getting lost in our heads and in our past or our future we leave no room to ever get over it. I think that’s what I’m learning. I’ve been through a lot, as have many people, that will take a lot of time to heal from. But opening the mind up to the fact that you WILL heal is what is necessary. Opening the mind up to the fact that perhaps what you believe to be SO serious to actually impact your life every day is no longer THAT serious, or at least, shouldn’t be. Yoga philosophy has helped me with that… as have some of my friends.

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